Where I was When the World stopped Turning.

I am beginning this post 10 years to the moment from when I watched the south tower collapse.  On my television right now they are ringing the bell at the exact spot 10 years ago I watched as something so enormous, strong, and beyond my comprehension to that point, fell like a waterfall into the ground.  Today exactly 10 years later, I am sitting in the same place, my bedroom, but yet completely different.  I am in my home, a home I built with my husband for our family and the 2 lovely souls that share it with us.  They are lounged here in my bedroom with me, at 7 and 5, right now with our ipads in each of their laps (some things never change I just like to hang out in my room and so do the kids now too, with me).  A small treat to have our ipads with their games of choice, because, while I want them to know about this moment and "us," America, they are not at an appropriate age yet to grasp that this is over and I have to tread lightly on not frightening their pure little minds.  Something we all had before we watched the events of 10 years ago.  We all lost ours that day but, I will do whatever I can to make sure they get to keep theirs a little longer, even if at least for a day more.

This post is for them, my story, my documentation for them of when I learned what America and what we have inside of all of us to keep her going is all about.  I think this story is important for them, maybe not poignant, but important. Important, to know the moment when their mom began the journey to really love their country.  You see I think each generation has the moment, something life changing happens and we realize what America is all about, whether it is war, suffering, any shocking historical event, that wakes us up to what we have as Americans.  I have heard my grandparents moment, my parents moment, and this is mine, 9-11 was my, and my generations moment that began a journey to truely love their America and really know who she is.

So again, this is a post for The Coonkids, and like most everything in my life I am happy to let you listen in but, know it is my documentation for THEM to have and it is just a story of a girl safe and sound in the mid-west, who knew no one in those towers or on those planes personally, and can never really KNOW their stories, and will forever be grateful to each of them.  I will never know what today was to them and their loved ones, but, did have her innocence altered.  And if you are one of them reading this, please know I owe my story to each of you, and hope that it lets you know how powerful what you sacrificed that day was for all of us.  I won't forget.  

9/11/01

Ack, running late, sitting on the floor, with pages sporting redmarks and notes everywhere, laid out all around me.  My fiance, Jace, "humoring me" (LOL) while he half watched the today show and half agreed to any questions I was asking him about the content of the papers that surrounded me. You see I made him go in late to work that day so he could help me put the finishing touches on our wedding programs, that would be taking place in less than a month.  I had to get them PERFECT (eye role here 10 years later) and they, like everthing with my wedding were a little over the top.  It actually makes me smile now, knowing where I am 10 years later, You see my programs where a story about each and everyone in our wedding with us (remind me to scan those in sometime and share them here with you)  They make me smile now because I was always a story teller, a "scrapbooker" I just didn't know it had a name at the time.  I mean seriously these little books were one of the most important things about my wedding to me.

Anyway, back to the scene, totally normal me stressing about a deadline I had saved to the last minute.  Hah, they were due to the printers that morning, and I had forced Jace to go in late and join in my stress with me!  I was reading an excerpt from the pages, Jason was pretending to listen and Matt Lauer began with sheer panic in his voice to interrupt the Today show and switch the shot to an enormous skyscraper in New York City that was smoking out of what looked like a big black eye at the top of the building.  Matt was saying we think a plane has just flew into the world trade center, we can't be sure who, what, when, or why but, it "appears a plane has flew into the tower of the world trade center"

everything stopped.

Those wedding programs were printed just the way they were at that moment, I never went back to them, they were what they were and that was ok.  I HAD NEVER let something so important to me in my eyes just be "what they were and ok" until that moment. 

And then shock, it all started coming so fast, Jason and I did not say a word to each other, we just watched as our whole world changed.  Another plane was coming, all cameras were on the tower and like a punch to the gut, another plane before all of our eyes hit the second tower.

What?

Is this real?

This meant it was not an accident, this meant we weren't in control, this meant someone was after us, each of us.  This was my realization that my innocence and naivety had been lost.

Silence.

 Ok but, it was over right? We are America Damn it!  We had control back Right?

Back to Matt on tv, he's in shock but, still keeping us informed.  Both towers are smoking in New York, out of their big black eyes.  People are moving getting out, shock, panic, hurry everybody get out!

"Where is the president?" I thought, our leader, someone needs to tell him.

Back to the tv and down to a classroom of children in Florida and a man whispering something in President Bush's ear.  And the look on his face, he now knew.  This is real.

I need to grasp this.

I had a classroom of kids waiting for me soon too.  I was scheduled to speak to a classroom of jr high students later that day.  I was a counselor in the area school districts.  I had to go in front of a room full of someones innocent children today.  How do I do that, I am just an innocent child myself right now.........

back to the Today show and Matt.  "We think 3 other aircrafts are in the sky that we cannot confirm contact with.  All others are being grounded those have not."  

The south tower dissolves before my eyes into the ground as this is being reported.

I cannot comprehend.  We aren't in control. Things are still happening to "us".

ANGER.

Back to Matt, enough is enough, somebody get control of those other planes, who is in charge, who is taking care of me right now?

The Pentagon has been struck.

A plane has just crashed into the pentagon.

Washington? Our Pentagon? What? Isn't that impenetrable? Isn't there a force field that surrounds Washington, the headquarters of my country that would never ever allow this to happen? 

FEAR.

Still planes in the sky.

Back to Matt.  People are coming, running, chased by a "mushroom nuclear looking cloud of smoke dust and debris rolling up the streets behind them in New York.  Run, Hide, I start praying for them.

Bargaining with God for them.

Back to Matt.  Shots from the Pentagon, smoke, fire, chaos.  And then, the white house, surely this evil beast is heading for the white house next.  Back to check on New York, sirens, alarms, screaming terror.  Surely these people have endured all they have to, surely they are all away from the towers, surely in a millions years the second one won't fall.

And, then it does, before my eyes, crumbles on top of itself into the ground.

SHOCK.

This isn't stopping.

This is unthinkable.

A plane is still in the air. One more, and it was on its way down, in a field in Pennsylvania.

Praying, Praying, Bargaining for those people.

And the realization of what someone, those people, inside that plane were doing, they were the first to say enough is enough, you are not going to do this, they took "us" our America, back from the evil.  Within moments of it all beginning.  They are what America is, its not a place, its a spirit.  A spirit of good, doing better, pulling up the bootstraps, helping our neighbors, it is a piece of all of our souls that cannot be touched by anyone.

You see we only gave them a brief moment of victory.  If you could call it that.  I take peace in the realization that they never celebrated their victory, they were not successful, they went down with it all like the ignorance that they were all about.

So much more happened after that, so many more horrible things, and so many more equally amazing things of Human spirit.

And, there I was still in my room, unimaginable things being shown on my tv, my pile of wedding programs surrounding me, a classroom of kids waiting for me.

Numb.

I got everything together.  Hugged and told my future, Jace, goodbye, I didn't know if I would see him again later that night. Didn't even know if I would make it to my next destination, let alone marry Jason in a couple of weeks and share a life with him.  Scared unlike I have ever been in my life.   We both knew we had to go on, into the day, into life, I knew that for the first time then, or "they" would have the victory, and I was not going to let that happen.

I got in my car, headed to Kinkos, wedding program rough draft on cd by my side.  I walk in feeling really shallow with the task I am about to ask them for, in light of everything. A young college student at the counter, probably scared to death himself with all that was going on, on the tv behind him, said something to me I will never forget.  He thanked me, he said, "thank you for going ahead and bringing this in today, I will read over it all myself and make sure it is perfect.  This will put some light into a day where I am not sure what is going to happen."

You see it is up to YOU if Life goes on.

YOU have that power and no evil can take it from you unless you let it.

My life would go on, if even for just 10 minutes, I could not control the time amount.  But, until the very end it would go on!

I got back in my car went to a classroom full of terrified Jr High students and at 26 years old passed what I knew because of the experiences of the morning, on to them.

Life Goes On.

You and only You control that.

And the 2 of you are proof of just that for me.

I love you Coonkids, and sadly, you to will one day, have your generation's 9/11.  But remember, when someone tries to take your America, take it right back, because it is in your spirit, and no one can take that if you do not let them.

I am your mom, I always want you to be safe and to do that be smart but, don't let the evil control you.

Get on that flight.

Take that adventure.

Enjoy and experience joy, whenever you get the chance.

Continue to live Your life.

That is honoring and remembering what many sacrificed for us on this day.

Just some little thoughts, from your stay-at-home mom, that loves her life and both of you more than anything in this world.   

Mommy

 

 

Comments

[ana smith]

very well said.

[Danee Kaplan]

I was in North Carolina on 9/11, where my husband was a F15E pilot in the US Air Force. He had been "night flying" something they do a lot and was still sleeping when Matt said something about a plane and the WTC but they cut to commercial. I flipped to CNN and they already had a live feed. As you can imagine my husband is all about airplanes (still flies for the Guard and Fed Ex) so I went and woke him up. We both sat there watching the horror flipping between CNN and Today show. I remember the terror I felt because as soon as the towers fell I knew we would be going to war with Iraq-I also said out loud that Bin Laden had to be the mastermind. My husband had known about him for much longer than most Americans. Rick ended up going into the air traffic control tower on base that night and he read the print out from the FAA from the entire day, minute by minute. I can't image what that was like. He ended up flying many missions as part of Noble Eagle flying over the Pentagon as part of homeland security. On base the security was crazy and for weeks there was a vehicle with a gunner holding a machine gun pointed straight toward us as we drove onto base. That was horrific and I sometimes feel like I can't believe that happened. Rick ended up gong to war with his new squadron flying A10's. It was so scary- new town, new airplane, new squadron and him off to war. I can't believe it was so long ago already.